Bipolar Blog - coming out - 1/4
I had my first panic attack in June 2002 and thought I was going to die. Since then, things have gone up and down, but I think I have gotten away lightly. With this I mean; I have managed OK. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for a lot of people with mental health disorders and in case you didn’t know: there will be people close to you (family, friend, colleague, leader, partner etc.) that experience problems with their mental health. Sorry if this scares you, but it is the truth.
Who am I?
Position: Co-Founder and CEO of AvantGarde Search
Diagnosis: Bipolar 2 disorder and anxiety and depression disorder
Business goal: Between now and 2028, build the leading specialist recruitment company in the Nordics
Personal goal: Survive and at the same time raise awareness of mental health
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Up until the International Bipolar Day on the 30th of March I will write a series of 4 blog posts about the challenges a person with mental health problems experiences, as well as sharing some of my own experiences and views on things.
Text 1: The difficulty people with mental health problems have in sharing diagnoses & problems with their loved ones, or the rest of the society. I have called it “coming out”
“Coming out”
Since we started AvantGarde Search in 2019 I have become more open about my mental health challenges. It started with telling my closest family in detail what was wrong, and it followed by a long message to close friends and other family members on messenger. Then came the interview in Dagens Næringsliv and finally I felt ready for a video portrait interview. Looking back, I am so pleased I came out.
Yes, I have met some idiots along the way, but in 99% of the time it has been great support and warmth from family and friends, clients and partners, investors and supporters, colleagues and previous colleagues. For that I am forever grateful.
The benefits of coming out?
Relief is the first that springs to mind. Now that it was “out there” no longer did I have to fake reasons for perhaps not being able to attend a meeting or an event, or to postpone an interview or going a bit outside of the plan. If I didn’t feel like hanging out with friends for a longer period of time, they accepted it. I simply didn’t feel I had to hide. Everything became so much easier, and I genuinely felt I never had to worry about what others thought.
In other words, I can be myself even more than before and when I need help or support, I know it is there.
But then to all those not coming out!
Some people claim that we have come far in society and business in relation to openness around mental health. Apparently, it is much easier than some years back to be open about your mental health problems. Really? This isn’t the case at all. If we think we have come far, then why do far too many people decide to end their own life instead of coming out? You see, many people decide that the best and only option is to end their own life in order to avoid being judged, ridiculed, and in general feel less attractive in society. So, I say it again: We have not come far at all.
But what about you from the outside?
First and foremost, you are in a difficult situation too and shouldn’t expect too much of yourself. Mental Health is so complicated that even scientists and psychiatrist struggle to work their way around it. You see, if you haven’t experienced it yourself, you don’t know what it is like.
Is there anything you can do?
Thankfully there are a few things you can do or be aware off that may help, both those who have come out and those who have not come out.
When people open up about their problems don’t say you understand. Don’t even try do understand. It is much more comforting to hear “I am so sorry” and “can`t even begin to think of how you may feel”. You see, we don’t expect you to understand.
Be careful playing down what many people experience by using terms and words that are so sensitive.
You are not having a panic attack just because you had some breathing problems and cried a bit, so don’t say you did.
You don’t have sleep disorder just because you spend an hour falling asleep.
You don’t have ADHD or any other hyperactive disorder just because you like being active and seek an adrenalin rush.
You don’t have depression just because you felt you wanted to stay in bed on a Monday morning.
Don’t make jokes that you think are harmless. For example: “Think I need a sobril to calm down.”
Don’t talk about being manic, in all likelihood you don’t know what this means.
Hopefully, this text has helped to put some things in perspective. Right now, I have some anxious thoughts about perhaps being too hard in this post and forgive me if I am.
Remember, in most cases no-one is directly at fault for people experiencing mental health problems and thus you should never blame yourself for not understanding what it is like. But remember, mental health challenges are a serious illness and there is no room to joke around with it or take it lightly. You wouldn’t joke around with cancer, would you?
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AvantGarde Search is for the first time in our history in the process of raising capital to allow for significant expansion plans both here in Oslo, but also in Denmark and Sweden. We are considering a share-issue round via www.folkeinvest.no. In the coming weeks we are speaking to professional investors and hobby investors with the interest of investing 10 000 NOK to 250 000 NOK. Feel free to see our presentations via the link or contact Erik Falk Hansen (efh@avantgardesearh.no | +47 40 43 54 93).